sleeping beauty

I went to the ER 2 nights ago. I told them I was 100 pounds and it wasn't a lie because I am that fat.
I couldn't breathe and it's still... difficult.

I had some sort of severe anxiety attack due to stress and insomnia. They gave me some Ativan and painkillers for the chest pain. The chest x-ray and EKG show everything normal. So now I just... sleep all the time.
I guess it beats eating.
My chest doesn't hurt anymore but everything else does.

adamant

I want to hurt people and myself.

I don't have anything new to say. It's always the same.

I try, I fail. I tell myself I never really tried so I will always fail. The outcome is always the same. Even when I don't want something different it's a disappointment.

I do not want this.